Dark Days

Anybody who is serving, or has served, as a pastor of a congregation, and who is honest with themselves and others, will admit there are dark days in that service. I just finished reading this article on FaceBook http://thomrainer.com/2015/02/25/ten-joy-stealers-ministry-get-back/. The author, Thom S. Rainer, provides a “joy stealer” list which, from personal experience and the observation of many ministers in my roles of serving on Committees on Ministry and as a General Presbyter, is right on target.

The issue is not whether there will be dark days in ministry. The issue is how we handle them. A periodic dark day occasioned by one of the things on Rainer’s list is to be expected. Not everybody will see or react to us in all our saintly wonderfulness. Some of the great ideas we have had will not always produce the amazing results we had hoped for. Not every sermon will move people to ecstatic expressions or spiritual growth. Not every meeting of the session (church governing board) will be filled with praise for our ministry. While the things on Rainer’s list hurt they are not necessarily a mortal wound. However, we all know a paper cut can hurt as much as a cut which needs stitches.

Both as a pastor and as a general presbyter, there were times when the dark days stretched into dark weeks. Sometimes it was possible to just gut through them myself. Sometimes Rainer’s prescriptions worked. Sometimes it helped to sit with a colleague and pour out my heart to one I knew would understand. Other times it was necessary to seek medicinal or therapeutic assistance. Trying to self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, or negative behaviors of acting out only makes matters worse. There is nothing wrong in seeking help when dark days start adding up and weighing us down. There is nothing wrong in storming the Mercy Seat, beating upon the chest of God, and unloading our lament. God is big enough, graceful and merciful enough to withstand, even to welcome, our onslaught.

I have counseled several ministers and have had to remind myself, never resign on Monday or the day after a session (church board) meeting. Those are two of our most vulnerable times.  The old advice of “count to ten before you do anything” is applicable. One can only resign once. It is not something which can be taken back. It is like saying to our spouse, “I want a divorce,” and then trying to say the declaration was not meant seriously or was only spoken in a moment of anger. Once the wedge is driven into a log the splitting cannot be stopped.

My best counsel is do not let the dark days pile up before seeking help. Seek out somebody who stands outside of your immediate family and congregation. Risk being open and vulnerable to another. A drowning person cannot pull themself out of the lake. An outstretched hand, a listening ear, from another who has felt their own dark days may be all that is needed to bring light into our life and ministry.