Complainers

A common experience of ministers is being the subject of complaints. Nothing breaks a pastor’s spirit more than complaints. Blessed is the pastor when one having a complaint comes to the pastor, face to face, to give voice to their complaint and is open to dialogue with the pastor about the source of the complaint. Cursed is the pastor when the infamous “they” are cited as having a complaint. “They are saying you do not visit enough.” “They are saying they are not being fed by your sermons.”

“They” is often used to indicate a quantifiable group in the congregation are dissatisfied. Frequently, the message carrier will resist naming who “they” are. “Well, pastor, I was told this in confidence, but I thought you ought to know. I would be betraying their confidence if I gave you their name.” How does one handle the complaints/dissatisfaction of nameless ghosts? Are “they” a couple of people or fifty percent of the congregation? Is the complaint legitimate or is it a matter of personal preference? Or is the complaint one which comes from a person who is a chronic complainer about everything and everybody? Besides, the vague “they” is a good screen behind which to hide, and seems to add weight to the complaint.

Complaining about those in religious leadership is not new. The exodus journey had not more than started and complaints began to be voiced to and about Moses. Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us, bringing us out of Egypt? (Ex.14.11) And the people complained against Moses, saying, “What shall we drink? (Ex. 15.24) The whole congregation of the Israelites complained against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness… when we sat by the fleshpots and ate our fill of bread; for you have brought us out into the wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger. (Ex. 16.2-3) And finally Moses responded to their complaining … (H)e has heard your complaining against the Lord. For what are we? Your complaining is not against us but the Lord. (Ex.16.8)

What would be the result if ministers were to use Moses’ response? Your complaining is not against us but the Lord. We say the call of a minister to serve a congregation is in response to the action of God. God is the leading influence in a particular pastor and a particular congregation coming together. The disease of complainers is that of “me-ism.” What I like or dislike is paramount. The yapping of complainers is most irritating and disheartening. Of course, that road runs both directions. The complaining of ministers about their congregation or particular individuals is demoralizing to the congregation or individuals.

What if we all, members and ministers were to seek to follow the advice of the Apostle in Philippians 2.5 Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others?

Murmurings, gossip, complaining are the airborne viruses which spread unhappiness in the church, regardless who is the one sneezing.

Scriptural quotes are from the New Revised Standard Version.

The Way We Were

Just before Christmas we had to have our cat “put down.” My wife and I still find ourselves at times doing things as we did when he was with us. After eleven years some behaviors become routine. Because he was a bad cat and would go into any bedroom and whiz in the middle of the bed, we put a baby gate at the top of the stairs to prevent the cat’s access to our bedroom. Each evening we would “lock” the gate and each morning unlock it so we could get down the stairs. There are still mornings when I automatically reach to unlock the gate, even though it is no longer there.

I use this to illustrate how our patterned behaviors can and often do continue long after there has been a change which no longer requires that behavior. There is the story about a woman preparing to cook a beef roast. One of the first steps in the preparation was cutting off an end portion. When asked why she did that she responded, “That’s the way mom always did it.” When her mother was questioned why she had always done it that way she responded, “That’s the way mom always did it.” When the grandmother was asked why she always cut off a portion of the roast she replied, “I always bought a three pound roast. My roasting pan was too small for it all to fit. So I would cut off a bit of the roast and used it for something else later.”

How much of our lives are lived doing what we used to do regardless of the changes in circumstances surrounding us? I know there is a lot in my own life. So much of it is on automatic pilot. We are being told that long distance airline pilots may be losing their flying skills because of their extended use of autopilot. Are we losing some of our life and discernment skills because of extended use of autopilot?

In most 12 Step programs Step 4 is, Making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. That is no easy proposition. The two adjectives defining the moral inventory are searching and fearless. Searching takes us deeper than the first layer or two. Searching is to plumb the depths to get to the real us we have kept hidden, even from ourselves. Fearless does not mean we won’t find skeletons and monsters which will frighten the hell out of us. It means we will not allow our fears to impede our inventory. We need to face our fears and move forward.

It is said, The seven last words of the church (or any organization) is, “We have always done it that way.” The time between a circumstantial change and modified behavior in light of the change is called a “lag.” With the rapidity of change in our lives, and in the world, the acceptable lag time is becoming shorter and shorter. That makes it all the more important to stop and ask, Why am I doing this and why am I doing it this way? It is helpful if we have somebody with us who can ask the questions if we do not ask them of our self.

The other night on the Daily Show, it was pointed out to Jon Stewart that he always slaps his desk before asking one of his probing/insightful questions. It was amazing to him that he had that behavior. A pitching or batting coach in baseball might stand watching the player for a long period of time seeking to identify flaws to be corrected or improvements to be made. The player cannot see from the same perspective as the coach, even when watching videos by his/her self. The coach is able to ask the why questions and to help the player adopt new behaviors. Which must be constantly practiced and re-enforced until they replace the previous way of doing things. That is part of the practice for anybody entering a 12 Step program is to do thirty meetings in thirty days.

Old habits may die hard, but they can be buried.

41 Days to Lent

Thank goodness Christmas is over, now that we are past the 12^th day of Christmas. Oh, crap, I just looked at my calendar and Lent begins in forty-one days. There is barely time for minister types to catch their breath and it is time to start planning for the next penitential season and its following festival. What Bible study will be done during Lent? What prayer groups need to be pulled together? What Lenten discipline will be followed privately and publicly? When will the choir begin to practice for the Easter cantata and will we squeeze it in on Palm Sunday? Will we have a new members’ class for the youth of the congregation? When will they be “confirmed?” Will the men’s group want to do the “Living Last Supper,” again this year?

Let’s not forget before all that there is the annual meeting of the congregation to hear from the governing body what happened last year and what is planned for this year. There are elders and deacons to elect, train and install. Then there is the governing board retreat. Why can’t we ever do that in good weather? How hard will arms have to be twisted to get the elders to show up? What do you mean the retreat can’t include an overnight at a conference center instead of part of a day in the church basement?  Don’t forget, the Super Bowl is on February 1^st, so nothing can be scheduled that day, even though the game isn’t until that evening. (Alas, the Steelers will be watching it instead of playing in it.)

Will the lectionary be followed in this time before Lent, or is this a time for one or two special sermon series? If it is to be a connected series of sermons what will be the umbrella topic? Maybe marriage would be a good topic. Better rethink that, how do folks feel their own marriage? If the topic is marriage what can be said about divorce? Might have to touch some sensitive nerves. Then there is the big one, what do we say about same-gender marriage? There are bound to be people on both sides of that hot potato. Okay, let’s think about something else.

How about a lectio continuo series on the Book of James? There are a lot of issues to be dealt with there. There is the faith and works issue. How about bridling the tongue? Some of the church conflicts could be addressed, but only obliquely. Don’t want anybody to think the sermon is aimed at them. “Anyone, then, who knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, commits sin.” Oh, that is a great text for a sermon, as long as it is done in generalities. There is always the economic divide in chapter five, but there are several members in the 1% and 5%. They might not like that.

Maybe it will be best to avoid anything controversial. Didn’t the Prophet cry, “Comfort, comfort ye my people?” A series could be developed around our many blessings. “Don’t just count your blessings, make your blessings count.” Does that emphasize our white privilege, since 99.5% of the congregation is white? A series on the fruits of the Spirit would be okay, but wouldn’t that be better after Pentecost?

Ah ha, a series which is comforting, non-controversial, avoids stepping on any toes or touching a sensitive nerve is what is called for. Let’s just use the text for each Sunday as found in the D.C. Cook Sunday School material for grades 3-5. That is never controversial. The harder topics can be saved for the summer when fewer people are in worship.

A Time for Forgetting and Straining

As the clock ticked to Midnight millions shouted “Happy New Year!” The New Year begins with a lot of hope. We hope the New Year will be different than the year which is now past. We hope the travails, disappointments, illnesses, calamities, debts, wars, killings, and everything else which was negative in the year past will stay in the in the year past.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. (Philippians 3:13) To set the context, the writer is speaking of perfection in Christ. I think it is an apt text for us as we move into the New Year. Note the two active verbs forgetting and straining.

If we truly want 2015 to be different than 2014 we need to forget what is behind. 2015 will be no different if we carry the hurts, offenses, disappointments and all which drug down our spirits into the New Year. 2015 will be no different than the year past if we insist of doing the same things in the same ways.

2015 is a new opportunity for us. This is where the second verb in the verse above comes into play. If we want 2015 to be different we have to put serious effort to making it so. We must strain forward. Straining forward carries the picture of exertion of great effort and energy to make progress. As the New Year opens the image is not that of coasting along with the wind to our back. It is difficult to set a new course for our life or our congregation.

We make resolutions indicating things we want to change or do differently. We resolve to lose weight, to be more careful in our spending, to grow in our faith, to exercise regularly. Sadly, most of our well intentioned resolutions are like the dew which passes under the strength of the sun. Keeping our resolutions requires commitment, effort and determination. We often have to strain forward if we are to stick to our resolutions. Just making the resolution does nothing unless persistent action flows from the resolution.

It is not uncommon for church boards to have a retreat shortly after the New Year for the purpose of assimilating new members and for setting goals. Too often the goals are so generally stated, like many of our resolutions, it is impossible to measure any progress. If we resolve to lose weight we either think we have to lose a “ton,” to succeed. The other option is if a pound is lost to claim victory. We may resolve that our congregation will experience numeric growth. If we gain one member is that sufficient to declare the goal achieved? Or is it thought that the numeric size of the congregation must double? Ideally, the goal will be enough that we have to strain to reach it, but not so grandiose that we give up early knowing it will be impossible to accomplish.

Thanks be to God, we have entered a New Year. Will it be different than the year past? It can be if we are willing to forget what is behind and to strain forward for what lies ahead. May God give us grace not only to forget, but to forgive. May God give is the strength and determination to strain forward for that which lies before us.