I Don't Like It

Other than “we have always done it this way,” or we have never done it that way” what is the next most common statement one is likely to hear around the church? Often it is “I don’t like….” I cannot begin to count the number of times I have heard “I don’t like…” coming from the mouths of church members. One would think everything in the church should meet the personal preferences of every single member. Teaching elders (pastors) are not exempt from declaring these words either.

Personal preferences become the measure for what is expected and acceptable. I don’t like highly liturgical worship. Therefore, everybody else should bend to my preference for more informal worship. I don’t like the preacher’s sermons because they don’t feed me. Therefore, we should change pastors. I don’t like long session (governing council) meetings. Therefore, regardless of the issues, our meetings should last no more than an hour. I don’t like the new hymnbook, the pages are too thin. Therefore, we should continue to use the old maroon ones. I don’t like the new 10:00 worship hour. Therefore, we all should go back to 11:00.

If my personal preferences are not met I will go where they will be met. If I do not find a place where they will be met, I will just drop out. Our tolerance level for things which do not meet our personal preferences is very low. What I want and like is the primary metric for everything from apple sauce to zoos.

I used to spend time with sessions and pastor nominating committees trying to help them articulate their expectations about their next pastor. Some would prefer a pastor who would be a good preacher. It was interesting trying to get them to flesh out what “good” meant. Did it mean the pastor was to preach as if she were addressing a room full of people with a doctorate degree in the English language? Did it mean delivery was more important than content? Did it mean the pastor stayed statue like in the pulpit, or was animated and was seldom in the pulpit? Did it mean the pastor never referred to current events or sensitive topics? Did it mean every statement or paragraph had to have a biblical proof text?

The Sunday before a new pastor was to begin his/her ministry with a congregation I wanted the opportunity to deliver the sermon. The title was always the same, “What Do You Expect?” In a few congregations, during my years of service, I got to preach that same sermon more than once. My text was Mark 8:28-29. Jesus asks the disciples who do people say I am? Depending on the answer it indicated what they expected and what their preferences were. I would suggest some pastoral images which were unrealistic for the congregation to expect/prefer in this new pastor. And I would offer some images which might be more reasonable.

I am convinced that preferences/expectations, on both sides of the pulpit are the cause for many wrecked relationships between pastors and congregations. On both sides of the pulpit, many of those preferences go unspoken and then blow up like an IED. Personal preferences have been the fuel of many intra-congregational conflicts. When my personal preferences and your personal preferences clash head on, there will be dead, wounded and missing in action within the congregation. Collateral damage is to be expected.

Rather than making our personal preferences the standard, what would happen if we followed the admonitions in Philippians 2:3-4 (NRSV)? Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Or the admonitions in Romans 10:12 (NIV)? Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.